Has someone ever said to you “leave your trauma behind or the past is the past.” What does that even look like? Is there a common denominator towards arriving at that point, that’s transparent enough to be utilized by most in need of utilizing it?

Yet, what happens when the past is reflected upon every person, place or thing one encounters throughout the day.

Today, and thank you eclipse, at home in Scorpio where you felt just soothing , I am able to acknowledge that no one has stolen from me, more than I’ve stolen from myself. Was it a tough pill to swallow? Was that poo poo more smelly than what I’m used to? Did it hurt enough to get back on track and not look back?

Yes, yes and yes! The thing is, we are all creatures of habit. No matter how radically honest we become with ourselves, action to support the desired change it one very crucial component. It’s sometimes in need of a ‘jump’ to get started or boost the momentum a bit.

If where I am physically is not matching who/what I am spirituality then becoming radically honest with self is the key liberator. It may be the worst realization ever. Adulthood has a way of making self accountability hurt worst than anything else.

Brene Brown says find your abilities ‘accountability and vulnerability’ when confronted or trapped in a Shame storm. Reminding us that shame, being derived from a place of deeply rooted trauma, requires much courage to call out or even identify. It takes practice to arrive at the ability station to muster courage to request what’s actually needed. It takes courage to even explore and begin to discover our needs.

And if that shame storm is a storming . . . . It may take all you’ve got to give in those moments . . . Be vulnerable with you anyway !

The catch is, when we aren’t volunerable with ourselves, we are no good anywhere else in our realities because it all starts starts with self.

Better Me = Better We . . . As so above, so below.

How can we expect the world to provide us, what we in fact, are failing to provide ourselves? Like yes people will embrace what one chooses to share, yet the older or more mature we become, the less fulfilling the ‘if I give this then along will come that’ approach actually feels. Authenticity doesn’t required us to suppress pieces of ourselves. It demands that we own it, all of it!!

Forgive us, for we do better once better is acknowledged . . .

The eclipse was such a gentle reflection of the life I left behind, the goals I’ve abandoned and the mere fragments of what’s left after 10 years of chasing my own tail. Sure, there were some great experiences and super awesome people and I am grateful.

In truthfully confronting myself, every time I couldn’t run from my triggers (be it exhaustion, sadness, lack or whatever) there always came a point where flight, fight, freeze or appease were what seemed to be the only options. I created a life that felt safe due to the inability to confront my trauma. Which only made the triggers grow.

Atrocious and at the fault to none. It was me that had to sit still long enough to assess and acknowledge what lied beneath the triggers. A lost girl who was hurt. Owning the latest hurt and committing to, if nothing else, respond differently in order to create a path on the road less traveled.

Every heartache, piece of pain or unnecessary piece of drama that came from trying to save the world, as a fictional attempt to. . . . .(ouch ouch ouch)

Vicariously, fix the broken pieces within self were necessary to keep the trauma responses spinning until I was ready to confront myself. And oh boy, the freedom that came with it is downright blissful.

Today I’m enough because yesterday, I was enough. Maybe too much for some and just shy of it for others AND every bit of perfect for me. Every bit of perfect for the pain and or conflict that needed to be confronted and left right where it was.

Enough for me, to have a cup so filled that we weren’t even taking applications for vacancies. Just a time for me to accept and repent and practice grace with intentional inner and overstanding.

It always hits differently when the mask drops and it’s you vs. YOU.

The equal and opposite effect to that is you loving you, flaws and all. You will rise everytime you fall by first getting right with your triggers to ensure that you aren’t taking the same outdated approach to confronting contemporary issues. Be encouraged to accept the challenge of taking a different approach. It’ll be different, yet in the end, overall, worth it.